So I'm laying in bed and figured I'd write a little from my iPod, so pardon the autocorrects and spelling issues due to the touchscreen keyboard. I'm laying here wondering how personal I will get, I figure the more I post the more comfortable I'll get, despite only writing this for my own use I figured I'd leave it as public just cuz you never know who culd stumble across this and maybe get something from it, just know that's not my intention or reason for writing, anyway, I've been struggling with the idea of a relationship lately. On one hand my loneliness as of late is reaching out almost desperately for any chance of a relationship, but I fear all I'm doing is ruining my chances of fonding a real and good relationship. I think I'm just blinding myself to the real opportunities I have, I hope I am wrong though. On the other hand I'm not sure if I did end up in a relationship that is have the time or means to maintain it mutually happily. I am going to school again this coming semester and it is going to be by far my busiest and toughest semester of college. I also have to start looking for a new job soon an worry about getting a house in may and all the added financial burden thall go along with that. I'm also still training jiu jitsu and plan on kicking it up a notch after new years as I guess sort of a resolution if you will. So as much as I want it I'm not sure I have the capacity to add another thing to my plate, especially another thing that needs much of my focus and attention. On the subject of kicking it up a notch, and I guess with school too, I feel like I hit a wall and need to climb over it. It seems that I've had enough of half adding everything and am motivated to get going on achieving and being successful. I'm gathering the means to hopefully be successful and keep up in college. And I'm finally gonna make my body the masterpiece it shuld be. Me and elise were actually discussing this the other day, how the human form is art, and the most beautiful form at that. We had some disagreement on the details though. Elise...my musical soulmate lol, it's wierd how much music means to ppl, especially me. But I'll save that for another post, gotta work 10am, getta see both my twins again tomorow :) peace