I officially hate my own mind...so ive been watching alot of movies the last few days out of boredom in an attempt to save that last sliver of sanity left while stuck in an apartment during a blizzard. And i realized that i hate the fact that i absoluetly love movies, i have a great ability to just lose myself in a film and emotionally attach myself to it...so when it's over it's always almost a dissapointment. All it does is reminds me of the things in my life i wish were different. A success story reminds me how i'm still 'in the gutter,' a romance reminds me how alone i really feel, comedies and action movies remind me how plain life usually really is. I dont think my mind ever wants to be happy, i want to be, but i feel it restricts me. All i ever end up doing is setting myself up for dissapointment after dissapointment...maybe i set my standards too high, maybe i expect life to 'have a fairytale ending'...simple fact is life is nothing like movies, you can't sum up a lifetime of experiences, emotions, decisions, stress, loss, love, happiness, sadness, pain, butterflies in your stomach, etc etc into a 90min hollywood bullshit story. And my mind just doenst want to accept that fact i guess. Im not all despressed about it, but it does sort of bother me, and i just feel alone even more writing about it to no-one on a blog. This whole winter shit being stuck indoors in an apartment alone is really starting to suck. I need to get my ass moved to california before i lose my mind. Hopefully this whole getting a house thing with my brothers works out atleast. Then i'll have a place where i can actually have ppl over and not constantly worry if ima get a noise complaint or some other bullshit. Peace