I quit smoking weed 3yrs ago today...hows that for sticking to a resolution! haha..but seriously..thats wierd..

Eff this weather!

Je je...So i know you have shit going on in your life as well...but i'm not always the strongest person, and i've grown weak of tryin to chase after you, even as a friend it's hard sometimes...you mean alot to me, more than you'll ever know. I sit by so many times when i grow attached to people, and watch and help them become happy and go on and find someone to share their time with. I was gonna try and find the courage over vacation to tell you have a crush on you and would like to see if those feelings could go somewhere. I didnt want to be just another boy who asks you out, i wanted to try a different route, and maybe i should have, maybe i shouldnt have..but i can never read how you feel so i didnt know. But it's just too hard to even get a hold of you, let alone try and spend time with you..and i don't wanna be that guy that sits there and calls you over and over till you answer out of annoyance..and says yes out of pity..so i wont. I just had to write this to get it off my chest...I'll always be here as a friend when you need it..i just wish i had the chance to try and be more than that to you. I dont know what exactly i feel for you, cuz the time i get to see you is so spread out and far between...but i definately think of you as more than a friend...and i'm glad you'll never read this..cause then i'd just come of wierder than i've already been..i need to get my mind off this shit and sleeeep! peace

"I look up to the sky and say..it's now or never!"

F. Stokes and house cleaning...

Nom!

Was gonna train today...lookin outside im thinkin ima shovel and just workout at home today instead..

Fighting depression sucks! at the same time, trying to tell someone how you feel sucks...cuz you can never know how they feel, or what may or may not come of it

Kanser...nuff said!

Last final to fail for the semester...awsum..

Dunno why i even showed up for that final...

Damn..cashiers shuld work on commission! i always go to the lines with hot cashiers..regardless of how long they are lol

I love those wierd moments when ya catch eyes with a cute stranger and ya both just get this genuine smile ur both tryin to hide lol

So life lately…it’s been up and down. For a bit there I was super happy for no apparent reason..and I was enjoying that for once. But this last weak has been hell…on the same vibe it flipped on me and I got hella depressed for no reason I could figure out. As it hits I always find myself burning bridges with friends I love…unintentionally…I live for my friends, and I don’t mean to ever treat them like shit…but sometimes I find myself treating them with lest respect than I should be as a result of my shit mood…they don’t deserve it. I’m currently jobless..and hating every minute of it! I’m not a person who can just lay around all day and relax…luckily I’ve gotten back into bjj and working on music with our newly formed band! Win! I hope some good comes of the music we are starting to make..and I hope I continue getting back into shape! Peace

And jeana, if you read this, sorry im an over-analytical asshole sometimes..i just really enjoy your company, so i get frustrasted when ur not around i guess...

I lay here alone and wonder why anyone wuld even want to be around me..hell i cant even stand me...i get so frustrated sometimes and end up an asshole

I need to stop thinking..and fall asleep!

Hangover...fail

This the part of the song where the hook's supposed to go!

Wish alcohol culd destroy me...too bad i have tolerance...fuckshit

Kanser-it wrote itself...one of the best albums ever, i always forget, till i put it on again!

Cant seem to shake this bad mood today...maybe a lil training'll help!

Just cant seem to find a good mood today..sometimes i wish i still did drugs just to escape for a bit...but those days are long gone and over with..push on

Ghostface killah-together baby.....just sayin

I saw two ppl goin for a walk...and i thought to myself..damn, i wish we were goin for a walk...

Fell asleep at the computer...again..fail

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

Well..that was def interesting..

Covered in mat and gi burns...win! feels good to be back

3am..why do you feel so late...when yet early is what you are...the fog has left, perhaps i am still alive.

Ya ever see that movie 'the others'? im totally gettin that vibe right now!

God i miss training! hope im back for a while now :)

L2 t ??.?A?v tN???4 ??J.

L2 I??=.???9(<_?? ?? j??hP t ?A????f??n2(
??????\&??i: DG??e??-'?]?l 4 ?? x?
????????,??
??? v?\ ?? v?^v??u:(m ??a:( ???2(= ??a:( ??

Billy Joel! that's my shit

Feels like im almost over bein sick..time to get back in shape!

Alcohol...my new sleeping pill...but still, seriously, 90's asses!

...nothin like a nice 90's ass. BAM!

Interesting start to the day so far :P

Somebody musta hit the snow bank..funniest shit, they left behind the license plate that musta came off..still stuck straight up in the snow..fail!

Huh...

Lettin weight drop where the ropes worn thin. Wait stop, still don't want it to fall in. Just changin the connection.

Class=suck! bjj today? you know it!

I wish you'd come hangout! id be havin lots more fun right now! :)

Doin front flips in the living room..

Having downtime sucks..im not used to boredom!

Shuld i leave the hawk..and scummy goatee..? hmmm

Car snowed in..fuck you wind..fuck you drifts..fuck you snow..fuck you winter!

Ive been up since 7, and am already at ndsu..wtf monday..

A Collection of Words and Noises.

Got my living room lookin quite alright!

John fell asleep at the computer again...

Pop's fresh paint!

Elf is on...zooey deschanel...nom

Left the goatee and stache...but i still remain looking scummy and sketchy :P fail!

Last day of scumminess!

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

And he keeps drivin in the middle of the road...is this legal

Hope i didnt make a bad business decision tonite. hugz

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

Tonite's gonna be-me and john go to the aquarium, hugz, great music, kipp's shenanigans, tony gettin drunk, katie already drunk, and elli missin out as always!

Neopolitan milshake! nom bitch!

I haven't looked up to see the stars in a while...i wonder if they're still there...

Saul williams is in k-pax? huh..

Hot chocolate...a movie..then bed...fuck you winter

'like a blind man in an orgy...ima have to feel things out'

All im sayin is...jessica alba...nuff said

Day 21...still scummy...

Forks bound? hmmm possibly

B :)

2 days jobless...and i already got a mowhawk again!! :)

Green street hooligans!

Wants a milkshake...

FWD:

Hahaha..fuck it..i dnt have a job or a girl to look good for!

Day 16 of looking like a scumbag...

Twins :)

Back to the school thing..shits startin to feel familiar..good and bad

Nice parking asshole...

No parking...huh

FargoBJJ represent! great job team!!!

Never thought a movie could traumatize me...wow...

Anthony keidis got a ride one now!

Our akward opposites are sitting here as usual...

Fuck this class!

I feel like ive been missing a piece of me since we stopped talking my friend...lame!

Sittin in the MU studying...weird right!?!

...i guess friends come and go

Washer broke...awsum..

Sarah...where'd you go...

Get off work...we all have hooks for hands, todd and kipp with silly string, tony mcbutch nasty, katies beautiful drunk ass, wes and naughty by nature, and dex!

Aqua!

U keep me up when im down. Balanced when im about to hit the ground. Ahead while im walkin backward and alive when i shuld be dead. All with the words uve said.

Is grateful for friends like elli!

Goodbye home depot :) 2 more weeks at big lots left!

"Guess it was about time our path's ceased to cross, you're probably better off."

Sittin on the edge of a festie drug culture...just observing another side of music culture.

Feels like im building scar tissue across my heart, not knowing what i did wrong, or if it was even my fault.

Fuckin hilarious episode of pm to am hip hop bpms tonite! hope ya didnt sleep on it! nov 6th at the aquarium! be there!

I feel like you hate me...and it sucks

Kinda confused...as usual

Soulcrate on nov 6th!!!!! and of course my big brothers kipp and tony!!!!! :)

Sunday..the day you wash the weekend off of you...

Grand forks bound!

Pretty much been up for 3 days...got an exam at 10am, and just put in my 2 weeks at THD...gonna be a good!

Freestyle life!

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

"Yeah. Thats What i am afraid of. I am becoming you joe joe." hahahaha made me laugh :)

Little car accident...its takin me 45min and im still not home, fuck you construction, traffic, and accidents!

Done bein sick and back to training! got less than a month! lets do this!

Scratch that, movie at 710, come join us!

Just saw a guy almost get hit runnin across a busy street less than 30ft from a crosswalk...come on ppl, use the damn crosswalk, enuf ppl've died this month!

I can only build if i tear the walls down, even if it breaks me, i wnt let it make me frown, im fallin but no matter how hard i hit the ground..i still smile :)

I dnt start my day with coffee! hah!

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

Time to face it..here comes winter..uggh

Rest in peace.

Im doin a hundred on the highway, if ya do the speed limit get the fuck outa my way! forks bound bitches!

Still sick..fuck! these 4ams are hell on my immune sys

It was like dancing with a memory, not recognizing the person who was actually in front of me. We've all grown, but i just can't seem to find harmony this time.

This girl cannot comprehend a goddamn thing..jeezus! please fucking shoot me! plleaaasseee!!!

Jeezus fucking christ this girl is fucking stupid and ditsy...i cant fucking stand listening to her!!! fuuuuucccckkkkkkkkkkk!!!!

Zooey deschanel's voice, kate beckinsale's face, and jessica alba's body...im not shallow at all!!! NOM :P

Nom!

really wishes i knew what you were thinking sometimes...insteada leavin me wondering

F? e ?
?????????r??.?]?9;M???n2h> ???????????
???? DG??e <] ??.P?? ?? :?< ???qy? ???qy? ???qy?

F? o ?? ???2h ???oyZ_&??y ] ??gy?> ?Ak??? ??o8?L ?? :?????9?? ?Y?y?? ??e2??.???vy? ???? >?]???B??eP t~?@??x
??i7 D~?? :????e <LG??

F? n2??&?@?? ]&??tP?? ??, ?,/???p >??n?9?f??.?9?f??,?9?f??.?9?f?? ? O???9 4????? $ ?? q?] ?? ::=g???2?^???fP?. ??y ?LG??. ??>?Ae<?<???

F? ?? J??o{Y J?Au8 DG?A?qX> ???;:Lg???2h> ??e2h\??Y :? ???2 ^.??n??N ???6H\F??d ] ???9(
???t h?N?Aa???.?A?????Att ?N???4??~?A?t?< ??

F? ???< ??r{?2??mP?????nP?
??o2 ? ???2?? ???2?? ???2 $??A?7 D ??e ?m/?]?0??.??n2H^???d (
???k ]??A?w?< ??d??]??Ai: tO?? ? ?~?? ? 4~??

P.S. - I hope you can be happy...

I gota quit dwellin on ppls lives, tellin myself, convincin myself, that its my responsibility to fix their problems. And realize that some shits outa my hands

My heart starts to race, just thinking ima switch places one day, and be on the other side of this entity we call hip hop...bright days ahead

Epic detail!! josh is the shit!

Guess i just have a nack for pissin people off and makin em hate me...

Mila Kunis...NOM

Fuck you train! i just wanna eat my damn sandwich!!!

Homie looks 30..18 my ass!! show didnt record so hope ya caught it! so fresh! kipp, tony, gayngs, dmx, and new best friends? hahaha

Tony B! and adam slokid chillin, tune in 96.3fm or kndsradio.com!

I dont EVER wanna push you away friend! Some days I wish I culd read your mind so I knew what's buggin you...

Some questions i just dont know how to ask...and frankly am afraid of the answer anyway.

In a an age of 'futuristic' technology you can even sense emotion thru the way a person txts. Actual human interaction is becoming obsolete...sad...

The library...such a foreign place!

You think you know a person...but ya usually dont. Sometimes the things they do shock you, but usually ya shuldnt really be surprised...but thats their business

All the social network did was further my addiction to wanting to be a billionaire...

High school girl rollin in a newer benz...huh

People are so self conflicting, like they cant even trust themselves, so instead they rely on others for their own direction...kinda sad

"Ohhh...she wants me...to love her, the way she would love her...if she was me." bahaha def poetry jam win!

Study study study!!!

Back to havin 2 jobs...let's see what happens i guess

Stats class...please end...

Wtf! fog!!

I look into the mirror and wonder...who is that person on the other side? Looking at me objectively...do i matter, do i even exist? Contemplation of self..hmm

I look at a picture of me and think...who am i...what do i mean...how does this physical represent who i am inside...

Rockin the new soulcrate shirt!

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

Where did the old you go. It's like you packed up and moved away. You came back with new luggage my dear, but no longer have a place to stay here.

You're so clueless, it's like watching a blind person walk into traffic, even though they can hear the danger loud and clear...

People cant fuckin drive today! oh wait that's everyday...almost got side-swiped 3 times within 4 blocks...wtf

"It's kinda scary when you're sleepin, and the pain stays. I was dreamin you were drownin in my brainwaves."

"It's kinda scary when you're sleepin, and the pain stays. I was dreamin you were drownin in my brainwaves."

Homemade vegan 'pizza' wrap on the george forman :) NOM!

Feels so lost today...

YUM!!!!!

"I dream awake, and I feel like i lost my mind today"

"I dont't care what ya think, unless its me that ya thinkin about. I dont't care what ya think, unless ya think about me."

I know sooner or later ima have to say goodbye my friend..so i wanna try and find you again..so ill always remember the person i once knew.

In the heartland, im bout to panic. With my heart in your hand im goin manic.

Im always faller further in love with music :) think it's about time i start makin it too!

People don't change, people just grow. And if you're not growing with them, then that's when it seems like you don't know the person they become. Just a thought

What a weekend!!! :)

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

Fun night with elli, dylan, and my bros!! saw shelbey, AV, and dextrious..and got pretty drunk! gotta work at 5am..fml!

'A happy animal is one that's under control and disciplined.'-judge joe brown...so ur saying imprisonment and punishment is happiness...huh

Gotta make some fast cash before winter!

Diggin the sov sect, been blastin since i dl-ed it yesterday! it got me thru a 9ish mile jog yesterday!

'I just knew she fine..like a ticket on the dash.'

My entire body is shaking with anger.

Feels like a college student for the first time in 3yrs...i dont like it lol

Bumpin techno in the headphones while workin on research methods homework in the library!

Impressions last! normally id put shit aside to help a fellow human being..but sometimes lessons have to be learned the hard way!

So life lately has been goin pretty well, some minor ups and downs as always, but overall I’ve actually been happy. Moving myself away emotionally seems to have been the best route to go. It is not necessarily how I wished it would have gone down, but in the end, looking back, i think it was necessary and the best outcome. I will always feel somewhat alone, even when I’m not. But even though it is hard sometimes I think realistically I am searching for something that if I actually got it I wouldn’t really find it to be as good as I keep trying to imagine. I need to spend more time on me. I want to start finding a way to make money doing something I enjoy. I keep waking up for work to go do pretty much nothing for 4 hours a day. I had feeling no sense of accomplishment or passion towards what I do. My hobbies keep getting put on the back burner, and school isn’t goin the best, but all in all for right now I am getting by. As I am always just getting by. This weekend is gonna be loads of fun though, I haven’t been this excited for a concert in years, and it the line-up is epic. I recently added Kipp, Tony, and Jeremy officially to my radio show so I have people to actually cover me when I miss it because I work at 4am the next morning. It gets rough to switch my sleeping pattern just about everyday. Anyway, killin a lil more time before stats. Peace.

SloKid kills it! as usual!!

'i didnt know suicide prevention day was today...did you?...so i guess not today'

'somebody gimme a topic', "how bout suicide...and depression", 'haha and its a good day for that' ....silence, 'cuza the rain..', "ya id wait til monday"

Rain hasnt let up..decided to wander to class anyway..fuckin soaked..fml!

My second home :) glad to be back!

Lovelife. :)

The world is so much more enjoyable to the soundtrack of my ipod drowning out the mechanical sounds of modern life.

Sick of waking up at 3am for work.

Homemade banana/raspberry pancakes...god i rock!

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.

PM TO AM HIP HOP BPM's

I started 'thoroughly ridiculous' with head nod, a few months back! so bam! there it is!

"ive been here before, and now im back again...im headed north, but theres no sign of sunshine"

Yet another semester of school has started, it’s been a very long summer, that in looking back seemed to somehow breeze by. The first week of school is already done, and I try to look on optimistically toward the possibility of graduating at the end of next summer. I’ve had alot of emotional ups and downs this summer, made new friends, and sadly lost touch with old ones. I finally made some civility back out of my friendship with Beth. I finally quit my job at Burlington. I’ve made one of the best friendships, if not the, that i have ever had with another human being in Sarah. Jeana is fucking amazing, but just as confusing. If i haven’t ruined my friendship with Jen a thousand times a day I think we’d get along great, but she’s gotta be about sick of me by now and prolly just puts up with me as a formality. I got to see Aaron, Kory, Josh, and Sweets this past wekend… and despite 90%(statistically incorrect of course) of the events of Saturday night not only hostile, but very regrettable, I had alot of fun. I needed to get out of Fargo for once, and that was perfect. Atleast in it all it blew off alot of stress that had built up during the four 60hr work weeks in a row I had leading up to the end of summer. I ended up in the hospital a few weeks back for stress induced panic attacks. That was fun… A week and a half ago they tore out my bathroom, so it’s been just awsum bumming showers or just not showering… Otherwise it seems for the most part I am feeling alot happier and alot less stressed, I just need to get back to working out, spending more time with friends, and getting out and meeting new people. My new search for new people to get hung up on, since all the girls I’ve been hung up on lately just aren’t working out, has inspired me to start writing on another book. Aaron and I have been sharing alot of emotional battle wounds lately and tryin to help each other out, so I find it fitting that we try and collaborate on this look at life since our perceptions seem to be very similar. As always, don’t hold back, and lovelife. Peace

Remember the 6th grade :P

Third day of class...gotta get back to blogging again!

Officially done at bcf.

Start of one more 60hr work week...wishing my sanity luck! Then 20hr work weeks from here on out, aka free time, aka you'll be seein more of me soon!

Worried so much that my heart hurts. Care enough to where i can barely breathe.

You're the only thing that means anything to me anymore...be safe...please

:)

6am at work..halfway done, then off to bcf..put my notice in yesterday!

This message has been sent using the picture and Video service from Verizon Wireless!

To learn how you can snap pictures and capture videos with your wireless phone visit www.verizonwireless.com/picture.

Note: To play video messages sent to email, Quicktime@ 6.5 or higher is required.