I dont have a whole lot to say today, im switching from the blog i started a few days ago on my myspace to this so i am able to more easily post from my ipod touch and via txt msging as well. so i'll just copy and past the past few days of those blogs in this one and continue on from there i guess.

12/24/09
Woke up this morn to quite a bit of snow...yay...sarcasm. Had to work on Christmas eve, and do on the 26th as well so I didn't go home for christmas. I got to see my B and Sarah, I love my twins! :) I hadn't seen either of them in a few weeks and missed them ALOT. After work I came home and just chilled watching a few movies and lifitng weights, watching the movie 'pumping iron' has got me really motivate to not I my get in better shape but also getthe definition I've wanted. Not much else to say tonite. Peace

12/23/09
I guess i dont have a whole lot to say about today. I woke up bout 1130 and saw that john was still in bed, he wanted to hit the road for home by noon to beat the storm...but we all know that wasn't gonna happen anyway. So i woke him up so hopefully he'd go asap. He managed to get out of here by about 230ish lol. I scanned my computer more, got a few more programs, im tryin to completely fix it so i have a computer to use for next semester. im gonna actually try to buckle down and get through college this time, one more semester done bad and im kicked out...so ya...Anyway i watched a few movies out of boredom today, one was 500 days of summer...k say what ya want, whatever, dont care, im just a fan of zooey deschanel. SHE&HIM, not the normal 'type' of music i'd listen to but there's something about her voice that just...i unno...she's an intriguing human being in general. Anyway so lately ive been reminded of the concept of taking things for granted, and humbling, etc. And i really like the whole idea of like 'mother nature' more so than i have ever liked the idea of a god etc. To where like our life cycle ends and as we decompose it fuels the life of plants, those plants are eaten by animals, we eat the animals and plants to continue our existance...in a very simplistic way of putting it. But that idea intrigues me. Also in days like these i really am grateful for the friends i have. No matter how rough life gets i know they are thier if i need it, even though i dont usually ask for or even open myself enough to show it, i am grateful beyond words can explain. Sometimes however i wish i could just make all their problems go away so much that i take their problems as my own so they dont have to deal with things as much and it does wear on me, as strong as i wanna believe i am, it still slowly chips away at me. But thats a whole nother conversation in itself..so ask me about it if ya wanna lol. Um otherwise i dont have much else to say today. Peace

12/22/09
Current mood: miserable
I woke up just in time to get ready for work, didnt eat much for breakfast, didnt really feel that hungry. As i got out of my car i didnt know if it was the lack of sleep, the small breakfast, the cold weather, etc or what...but something just seemed off. I txtd '

Something just...doesnt feel...right...this morning. We'll see what happens i guess :..'
to my facebook status at 9:56am....as i went to lunch i got a txt at 12:22pm from a friend, her cancer was back :( and she has to get tumors surgically removed w/i the nxt 72hrs...thats a fucked up christmas. Its not been a good week for my friends. After lunch i consciously held back just emotionally losing control for the next four or so hours, with a job that is just mindless drone work you are basically left with your thoughts. And all i could think about is if my friend was gonna be OK, and how my twins were holding up with the recent loss of their grandpa, etc etc. It was not an easy day to say the least. After work i was just emotionally drained so i decided i wasnt gonna have the energy to do jiu jitsu today like i had planned, so ive been between naps and trying to fix my computer the rest of the day. I dont work tomorow so i was gonna go use my fake ID for the last time since it expires on christmas day, but i just wasnt in the mood, and i knew if i did i'd take it too far and just be an absolute mess anyway. Tomorow ill hopefully clean and workout, then who knows, i gotta work christmas eve and the 26th and 27th so i wont be going home at all for the holidays...which doesnt bug me too much but itd kinda be nice to get away for a day or two again. I need to start hittin the gym and more so the books extra hard next semester, and i'll be looking for a new job in january. hopefully by the time we get a house in may i'll have my life together...but i doubt it, as long as i keep working on it though i cant complain. Peace

12/21/09
Current mood: indifferent
I woke up at about 1, I sat around for a while waiting for john to get up so I wuldnt bug him by using his computer to sign up for classes. It was taking too long so I did it anyway, I'm taking 4 psych classes nxt semester, it's gonna be super tough but I gotta start grindin through it or I won't get anywhere. I think I've finally hit a wall as far as that goes, to where I realize I need to start taking somethings, no matter how inimportant And a pain in the ass they are to me, more serious. I then worked on my book and listened to some doomtree for a while. I was gonna go to bjj today but my arms still super sore from yesterdays workout so I decided to take a break, I'm glad I did cuz I decided to watch avatar online, it was amazing, easily one of the best movies I've probably ever seen, I absolutely lost myself in it, and I love when that happens with a movie, it's the closest escape from reality I get nowadays :) now me and john are gonna watch so e southpark eps and then ima get to bed soon, gotta work at 10am, so peace

12/20/09
Current mood: relaxed
Today was uneventful, I grow complacent in days like these. I woke up a lil before noon and me and jeremy just sat around and talked for a while, he left by about 1 and I decided to look up netbooks and laptops for next semester of college, I hope of will help me keep up in class with taking notes and such. Not much luck in finding one yet though. I then put on some kanye and worked out for a bit, nothing too tough, just some upper body and abs. I went to work after showering. Work was slow, boring and stressful as always, I find it ever harder to control my anger at work, I find the sweari g I usually do u def my breath is growing ever louder. The phrase 'you stupid fucking people' seems to repeat over and over in my head, I don't believe I can stick this job out much longer, I'm gonna start looking for another job in the beginning of January. I love alot of the ppl I work with, especially my twins, moza, steph, court, josie, Jordan, etc etc..there only a few ppl I dnt care for at work...which is hard to come by, but the job itself, the customers, the corporations bullshit, is all just too stressful for my already overstressed easily irritable self. Anyway after work I came home and ate and txtd my miss ellisavet for a bit :) and now trying not to fall asleep while watching apocalypse now redux. It's good so far, but really long!!! G'night, peace

12/19/09
Current mood: drained
I woke up at about ten am today, me and jeremy were watching American beauty than started to watch dazed and confused and just generally bullshitted and joked, we decided we'd go work out bout 1/130ish. But as it got closer I decided to txt my lil sis (or so I call her :) cuz she pretty much is). She was freakin out cuz her mom had called her at work and said there was a family emergency Nd she was coming to pick her up, but she couldn't get a hold of her mom so she didn't know whAt was going on, I started to get worried too. She soon found out her grandpa had passed away, so we talked about it for a bit, I already feel like I've said too much, it's her personal business I guess so I'm not gonna share any more detail. But it got me thinking about my own life, and about the concept of death, lately I had almost grown to not be so afraid as I used to be, but today I realized I'll nvr not be afraid of death, especially when I dnt believe in an afterlife. To me this life is all there is to the 'meaningful' part of my existance as we perceive it. It also made me think again how much I take the friends and ppl I love for granted...I need to make an effort to spend more time with the ones near, and to keep better in touch with ppl further away, friends I used to see everyday I now talk to once every few months if I'm lucky Nd that's usually only by txt or facebook or the likes...kinda pathetic on my part when I think about it. Anyway after talkin to my sis me and jeremy went to the wellness center to workout, neither of us had a whole lot of energy so we started kinda slow on some machines and dumbells etc. But quickly jeremy didn't feel good, it was wierd and had to explain, but regardless we left. When we got back we sat down and discussed and wrote down a checklist of what we want to look for in the house we rent come may when our leases run out. It got me very excited and motivated, especially for the part of how we r gonna turn the basement into pretty much a club/venue. Soon after I had to go to work... I won't even bother exposing that shit.. Came home and caught the end of poultrygeist...it was diff lol...now I'm in bed at 3am, so goodnight. Peace

12/18/09
So I ask a question sometimes that goes something like 'tell me something random that I wuldnt guess about you' and someone the other day replied 'I keep a daily journal'. It sorts took me back to when I was younger and now and then in a notbook I'd write rhymes in I used to sorts put journalish entries in now And then, and I thought well shit I she just write on a blog and do sorta the same, I appologized for the spelling and grammar issues, iPod touches aren't the easist to type on, that is if anyone ever stumbles upon this...So let's start with today, I woke up after a piss poor night of not sleepi g to take a comm final at 8am...fml, I mkae it on time but as I'm walking from my car to the lecture hall I notice my ribs feel like they are tearing and I almost felt like fainting...it sucked to say the least. Bombed that final and came home to try and take a nap and hopefully get some sleep for once, woke up about two and could hardly roll over in bed, yep my ribs again, I managed to get up and I instanly put a heating pad on my left side cuz it was worse. I tried to write on my short story I just started working on but I was sorta stuck at where the story should go, so I sent the first 7 pages to 3 ppl I trust ALOT and feel know me best to be able to guide me. I decided to scratch where it was going and go back to a more normal story. Finally 530 rolled around and I headed off to jiu jitsu, coach has been pretty sick so he had me lead the warm up, so I was wincing a lil in pain as I did jumping jacks. By the time class was over my ribs felt stretched out and loose so they didn't really hurt, so I decided to stick around for fitness class, it aS pretty brutal compared to most Fridays but I need that. Got home and showered an did the dishes, by that time it was almost 10pm so we rolled out to go see the homies kipp g and big zach do a set at the nestor, always love to see those guys perform, the def inspire me. Decided to call it an early night cuz I'm exhausted so I'm hoping that means I'll actually get a lil bit of sleep tonight, cross my fingers. Peace

...there ya have it so far. peace